SPOILER ALERT: Warning, this blog contains spoilers for the ‘Breaking Bad’ series finale.
The End
When you looked into his eyes you couldn’t help but notice a profound sense of sadness. The solitary, bearded figure walked slowly through the warehouse. He surveyed the stainless steel tanks fitted with tubes and gauges. The man was breathing heavily and coughing occasionally. The cancer had taken its toll and the wound in his side was now oozing blood. The visit to the meth lab lasted less than five minutes and then it was over.
The camera zoomed back as Walter White lay on the floor surrounded by the tools of his trade. In the distance there was the wailing of police sirens. Through the darkness, a convoy of blue and red lights flickered past a window. Officers with guns drawn made their way to where Walter lay. This was the way it had to end.
Like 10 million other Americans I tuned in for the series finale of Breaking Bad. The story of Walter White has been called one of the greatest dramas in television history. I watched the final episode with great anticipation and I was not disappointed. My friends and I had been talking about the finale for weeks. It was fun to speculate about how Walter White’s story would end.
The Beginning
Ironically, in the opening scene of the Breaking Bad pilot five seasons earlier, Walter recorded what he thought would be a farewell message to his family as police sirens were heard in the distance. With shaking hands he held the video camera and said:
“There are going to be some things that you will come to learn about me in the next few days. No matter how it may look, I just want you to know that I only had you in my heart. Goodbye.”
Two years of his life had passed since Walter recorded that first message. During that brief span of time, the good-guy high school chemistry teacher had transformed into the criminal mastermind we came to know as ‘Heisenberg.’ The Breaking Bad series had skillfully told the story how Walter White made his transformation to the dark side. But the question that intrigues me is, ‘Why?’ Why did Walter choose the path that eventually led to his own demise?
My Story
To better understand Walter’s story, I’ve been reflecting on my own life and how my faith has shaped me. I’m roughly the same age as the character we came to know as Walter White. Like the White family, my family has faced many hardships and struggles over the years. We’ve even encountered serious health challenges like the White family. And about five years ago I even had a close encounter with death. With so many similarities, why has my life been so different from Walt’s?
When I think about my life and all I’ve experienced I’m often amazed at how blessed I’ve been. Despite all the problems, setbacks and disappointments, I can honestly say that I’m happy. When you see your life through the lens of faith things look different. Better.
My life has not always gone according to plan. Things have happened that I can’t explain or understand. I’ve lost people I love and I’ve seen family and friends endure significant pain and loss. I’ve also experienced incredible joy and times when I’m deeply aware of how blessed my life has been. Through all that I’ve experienced, my faith in God has been the one thing in life that anchors me. I have a wonderful relationship with my wife and family. I have friends who care about me deeply. But my relationship with God is at the core of all that’s good in my life. Knowing that He loves me no matter what brings an amazing sense of peace and contentment. Bottom line, I’m happy with my life. Not everyone can say that.
Breaking Bad
Walter White may have been misguided, but I believe he did start out with the right motivation—helping his family. Diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, he wanted to provide financially for his family since he did not expect to be there. At some point, Walt’s motivation changed and his descent into darkness spiraled. As his alter ego, Heisenberg, emerged he began to enjoy the fame and notoriety that had eluded him as Walter White.
Walter was very intentional in choosing the alias, Heisenberg. The real Heisenberg was a German physicist who won a Nobel Prize. Walter never achieved much success as a chemistry teacher, but as Heisenberg he cooked meth that was over 99% pure—a significant accomplishment. As a graduate student, he helped to start a tech company called ‘Gray Matter’ that was eventually worth two billion dollars, but years earlier he sold his interest in the company for $5,000. Then, the day after his fiftieth birthday came the cancer diagnosis. This was the trigger event for a journey that ended with Walter White dying alone on the floor of a meth lab.
A long time ago, Jesus asked this question, “How do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own life in the process?”
Desperado
In the series finale of Breaking Bad, Walter White finally admitted to his wife what she had been waiting two years to hear. He told her the real reason he had decided to cook meth and pursue the life of crime that had netted him over $80M. Here’s what he said:
“I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really… I was alive.”
That’s the answer to the ‘why’ question. Walter, at his very core, was not happy with his life. To be sure he had his problems, but he never seemed to realize that in many ways he was a very blessed man. He thought Walter White’s life was too ordinary so he created another life. When he became Heisenberg and cooked high-grade meth he felt alive. It was exhilarating while it lasted, but now it was over.
Despite the terrible things he’d done, Walter was still a husband and father. The Eagles’ song, ‘Desperado’ reminds me of how Walter must have felt as he saw his young daughter for the last time, stroking her hair as she slept. Peering through the window at his teenage son now estranged from him. Brushing past his wife for the last time without a kiss or even an embrace. He was truly alone and full of regret because he knew he had caused all this brokenness. Here’s what the song says:
“Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get
Desperado, you ain’t gettin’ no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home
And freedom, well that’s just some people talkin’
Your prison is walking through this world all alone”
When we unplug from the source of life it feels like we’re all alone. Jesus once said, “My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” God wants us to have a life that’s fulfilling and fun and rewarding. Like Walter White, many of us try to create another life if we’re not happy with the one we have.
A Wonderful Life
Some people may look at my life and think it’s too ordinary. The reality is I have a great life. It’s the life I’ve chosen. It’s MY LIFE! God has a plan for each of us and it’s a great plan. He knows us intimately and He’s given us unique gifts and talents. When we use our gifts and talents we feel alive. That’s the way it should be. God wants you and me to be happy. Picasso said:
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”
Jesus famously said that it’s more blessed to give than to receive. This explains why we feel so good when we use our gift to benefit others. Walter White had a God-given talent for chemistry. It seems he thought the path to happiness was to use his gift to make millions. His mistake was to pursue the gift but not the Giver—the source of life. It’s so sad that he earned millions, but lost everything that mattered in the process.
Near the end of the classic movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the light bulb goes on for George Bailey and he finally embraces his destiny with a renewed passion and purpose. Earlier in the day he had been ready to commit suicide, but through a series of flashbacks and flash-forwards, George sees what life would have been like for his family, friends and hometown if he’d never been born. I love what Clarence, his guardian angel, says:
“You see, George, you really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?”
What about you? Are you having a wonderful life? Take time to discover your gift and then start giving it away. You’ll be amazed at how this changes your perspective. The first step in your journey is to get plugged into the source of life. God loves you and He’s the one who placed that gift inside you. When you step out and start using your gift, He’ll be just as excited as you are. Somewhere along the way you’ll realize that your relationship with God is the greatest gift of all. Life looks much better when viewed through the lens of faith. If you take this advice to heart, I’m confident your story will have a happy ending.
Copyright 2014 John H Briggs
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